


Forget Me Not

by hunting_in_wonderland2



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Drugs, M/M, Merlin - Freeform, Merthur - Freeform, druggie merlin, drugs tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:42:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4773944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunting_in_wonderland2/pseuds/hunting_in_wonderland2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin has been drowning out his pain for years until a stranger stumbles across him nearly passed out in a park.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget Me Not

Merlins dreams had been plagued by flashbacks of terrible memories for centuries and tonight was no different; the sorcerer woke drenched in sweat and shivering, trying to shake the image of death from his mind. He put his head in his hands and relived the moment Percival entered the court yard carrying Gwaine in his arms; that moment had felt like someone had smashed his already broken heart with a hammer, and it never got better. In his mind, Merlin flashed through the deaths of every single person he had ever cared about; Gaius had died simply of old age not long after the battle at Camlan, Percival became reckless after losing Arthur and Gwaine in the same day and got himself killed by a group of bandits. He remembered holding Gwen’s hand as she died giving birth to the baby Arthur never even knew she was pregnant with. And of course Arthur himself; Merlin remembered how it felt to hold his best friend in his arms and watch the light leaving his eyes. Merlin wiped the tears from his face with a shaky hand and picked up tin foil, a lighter and a brown powder from in his bed side table.

            A few minutes later Merlin lay on his bed, all bad memories forgotten for the moment. For many years his life had felt like a vicious cycle of remembering and trying to forget how many people he had lost and the pain he had felt so many years ago. Some days were better than others, but today was not one of the better days; Merlin had used the last of the heroin he had and would have to get more if he was going to make it through the day. So he got up and pulled on some jeans and a sweater that weren’t too dirty, grabbed a wad of cash and left his tiny apartment. The fresh air cleared his head a little as the drugs started to ware off and he picked up his speed. Soon Merlin came to a door beside a run-down shop and knocked; a scruffy dark haired man opened the door and let Merlin in.

            “Usual?” he asked, Merlin nodded and the man signaled for Merlin to wait there while he disappeared around a corner, reappearing a few seconds later with a small paper bag in his hands. Merlin took it and gave the man the cash before stuffing the bag in his sweater pocket and leaving. The drugs wore off more and more as Merlin walked and he started having flash backs again. Shaking and panicky Merlin stopped at a dark abandoned park doing his best to stay out of the street light, pulled the brown bag out of his pocket and the tools he needed out of his ragged back pack. He never worried about over dosing anymore; he knew he couldn’t die, no matter how much he wished he could so he sat on a swing for a while waiting for the effects to kick in and when they finally did he let out a breath of relief and leaned his head against the cold chain of the swing.

*   *   *   *   *

            Arthur had decided to take a short cut home through the park that night. He was just thinking about the strange dream he’d had the other day when he heard a soft moan and noticed someone sitting on one of the swings. Normally he wouldn’t have given it a second thought but the shape looked vaguely familiar, and if it was someone he knew and they were in trouble he would never forgive himself for not at least checking it out.

            “Hey mate, are you alright?” he asked approaching the person. The figure on the swing said nothing and as Arthur got closer he realized he did indeed recognize the person. He had dreamt about him, not specifically, but this man was in the dreams he had been having as long as he could remember and all of a sudden, when he looked at the man he remembered everything. A wave of memories hit Arthur and he knew the weird dreams about knights and kings had actually been memories and that this man was called Merlin.

            “Merlin,” he whispered. The man finally looked up at his name.

            “No, you’re not real go away,” Merlin mumbled.

            “Merlin, I’m here, I’m real, are you high?” Arthur asked. Merlin laughed and tried to stand up but stumbled into Arthur who caught him and held him up.

            Merlin was just barely aware of a pair of strong arms holding him up before he passed out.

He woke up the next morning in a bed he didn’t recognize, but didn’t quite care. The

mornings after what would be fatal overdoses to regular people were always a bit fuzzy for Merlin. The smell of coffee and bacon was wafting in through the bedroom door; Merlin couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten anything so he got up and wandered out the bedroom door and down a small hallway to an open space containing a kitchen and living room. A man was standing at the stove cooking with his back to Merlin, but even without seeing his face Merlin would recognize that man anywhere. His breath caught in his throat and he leaned against the wall for support. Arthur heard a soft bump and turned around,

            “Ah, you’re alive. To be honest I wasn’t sure you’d wake up, and before you ask, yes, I remember everything.” Arthur said. Merlin stood against the wall with wide eyes and whispered Arthurs name a few times before shaking his head.

            “No, wake up, wake up, you’re dreaming wake up!” he muttered, pinching himself and pressing his hands into his eyes, desperate to wake up. Arthur closed the space between them in a few wide strides and held Merlins face in his hands.

“Look at me, I’m _here_ Merlin, I’m really here.” Arthur insisted. Merlin hesitantly put his hand on Arthurs chest and felt how solid he was; Merlin touched his friends arms, neck, face, hair, his hands trailing all over Arthurs body, eyes wide in amazement.

            “So… it wasn’t a hallucination, you were really there last night…” Merlin said more to himself than to Arthur, who placed a comforting hand on Merlins shoulder; Merlin brushed the hand off and threw his arms around Arthur.

            “Oh Merlin, what have you done to yourself?” Arthur asked. Merlin sniffed and wiped tears off his face.

            “I couldn’t take it anymore, I lost _everything_ Arthur, I watched everyone I ever cared about die while I couldn’t. To make all that pain go away, even for an hour or two…” There was a short silence as Arthur let Merlins words about watching everyone die sink in.

            “ What happened to Gwen?” Arthur asked

            “She died in child birth,” Merlin told him. Arthur nodded,

            “So she remarried then?” Arthur questioned. Merlin shook his head no.

            “But then… how?” Arthur asked.

            “She died about 8 months after the battle at Camlan. 8 months and there was never anyone else. You had a son Arthur…” Merlin told him.

            “What was his name,” Arthur asked through the tears that were starting to flow down his cheeks. He’d had a son he never got to see, never even knew about.

            “Lancelot. His name was Lancelot.” Merlin said. Arthur whispered the name under his breath, testing it out, deciding if he liked it, but of course he did; it was the name he would have chosen himself had he been there.

            “Everyone loved him. He, uh, he lifted the ban on sorcery.” Merlin told Arthur, carefully watching his friends reaction and feeling a weight lift off his chest when Arthur nodded and smiled.

            “I had actually been considering it, near the end,” Arthur admitted when he saw the shock on Merlins face.           

            “I realized that sorcerers are just like anyone else, some are good and some are bad, magic’s got nothing to do with it.” He continued. Merlin smiled,

            “eventually he made me court sorcerer, but that was so, so long ago…” he trailed off. There was a tense silence for a few minutes before Arthur took a deep breath and asked

            “Why did you do this to yourself Merlin? How long has it been?”

            “What year is it?” Merlin asked half-jokingly, earning a stern look from Arthur.

            “I’m serious Merlin, what were you thinking?” Arthur demanded. Merlin looked at his feet and pushed back tears before attempting to respond.

            “You have to understand Arthur, I felt _so_ much pain all the time, I watched _everyone_ die; everyone either of us ever knew. Even the dragons eventually, and I felt them die Arthur, I think that was the last straw…”

            “Jesus, Merlin, I lost everyone too! Imagine walking up to a stranger in the park because they looked vaguely familiar and being hit by a wall of memories from a past life and realizing all the weird dreams you always had were never dreams. Imagine just waking up one day and everything you ever knew is gone…” Arthurs voice cracked on the last word and he pushed himself away when he realized he was standing nose to nose with Merlin. Arthur let out a small shout and put his fist through the wall closest to him, making Merlin jump.

            “Arthur…” Merlin said reaching out to put a hand on his friends shoulder; Arthur pushed Merlins hand away.

            “Don’t touch me,” he hissed. “What makes you think your pain is so much worse than anyone else’s? I could have been back for years, but you wouldn’t know, you’ve been too busy getting high as a bloody kite every day to drown out every memory of me.”

            “I’m sorry Arthur,” Merlin whispered.

            “Get out.” Arthur said in a flat voice, turning away from Merlin, who hesitated a moment before slipping silently out of the apartment.


End file.
